05-29-2003, 07:05 PM
These are fossils.
1. Herb was a manager at Worldcom, and in the recent 'belt tightening' he was cutting quite a bit of white collar help. In shipping, he could only keep Mary or Jack, and both were very professional. He could not choose, and hated to lose either. He decided to try some counselling to see who he could help get a job elsewhere most easily, and who could more easily handle the move.
He called Mary into his office and began to explain the situation, but was talking around the problem.
"Herb, could you cut to the chase? What's this really about?" asked Mary.
Herb was a bit flustered, so he blurted out: "Things are coming to a head here in shipping due to the downsizing, Mary, so I have to lay you or Jack off."
"Oh, in that case, Herb, jack off. I need to get back to work!"
2. Charlie and Jack, some months later, went on a fishing trip with some of the folks in the shipping department. Herb couldn't make it, but he wished them the best of luck and told them to call him if they forgot anything, or if they needed any help.
Well, as luck would have it, the three SUV's pulling the three small boats got into a rather nasty wreck on a sliperry mountain road, end result being that the cars were driveable, but the boats, and their trailors were totally destroyed. It looked like the fishing trip was doomed. Charlie then suggested they wire Herb. They sent him a telegram, there being no internet access out there in the boondocks (work with me here) and it read:
Bad accident. Stop. Send two punts and a canoe or vacation will end with horrible effects on employee morale. Stop. Jack and Charlie.
The next morning they came to the post office and got the reply telegram:
Ladies hired and sent via bus to arrive tonight at ten Stop. What the hell is a panoe Stop Herb.
1. Herb was a manager at Worldcom, and in the recent 'belt tightening' he was cutting quite a bit of white collar help. In shipping, he could only keep Mary or Jack, and both were very professional. He could not choose, and hated to lose either. He decided to try some counselling to see who he could help get a job elsewhere most easily, and who could more easily handle the move.
He called Mary into his office and began to explain the situation, but was talking around the problem.
"Herb, could you cut to the chase? What's this really about?" asked Mary.
Herb was a bit flustered, so he blurted out: "Things are coming to a head here in shipping due to the downsizing, Mary, so I have to lay you or Jack off."
"Oh, in that case, Herb, jack off. I need to get back to work!"
2. Charlie and Jack, some months later, went on a fishing trip with some of the folks in the shipping department. Herb couldn't make it, but he wished them the best of luck and told them to call him if they forgot anything, or if they needed any help.
Well, as luck would have it, the three SUV's pulling the three small boats got into a rather nasty wreck on a sliperry mountain road, end result being that the cars were driveable, but the boats, and their trailors were totally destroyed. It looked like the fishing trip was doomed. Charlie then suggested they wire Herb. They sent him a telegram, there being no internet access out there in the boondocks (work with me here) and it read:
Bad accident. Stop. Send two punts and a canoe or vacation will end with horrible effects on employee morale. Stop. Jack and Charlie.
The next morning they came to the post office and got the reply telegram:
Ladies hired and sent via bus to arrive tonight at ten Stop. What the hell is a panoe Stop Herb.
Cry 'Havoc' and let slip the Men 'O War!
In War, the outcome is never final. --Carl von Clausewitz--
Igitur qui desiderat pacem, praeparet bellum
John 11:35 - consider why.
In Memory of Pete
In War, the outcome is never final. --Carl von Clausewitz--
Igitur qui desiderat pacem, praeparet bellum
John 11:35 - consider why.
In Memory of Pete