The Odyssey

[kandrathe]

My boys are now 3.5 and 5.5 so my wife thought it would be a good idea to get them a backyard swingset. I thought I would document my experience so that those who have been down this road, or will not, can laugh at me, and those who have not yet can fear the future.

She chose...



... and it was delivered last week and the 5 large boxes were unloaded into my parking stall in the garage. :-) I guess she knew that would motivate me to get it done eventually.

This morning after cartoon time I decided to get started, so I went out and carved up some wood stakes to lay out the area I needed to prepare. I was not in the least dismayed by the warning that the assembly would take 6-12 hours depending on the assemblers skill level. I figured I'd be into this for at least two full 12 hour days.

Now, part of my yard landscaping strategy has been to let the encroaching forest shrink down my yard each year so I mow less, water less and that the deer have more of a place to live. Well and good. Now the place where the swingset was designated to be (by my wife) was entirely covered with 2-3 inch small oak and maple trees. At this point I would have usually brought out modern mans coupe de gras of machismo, the chain saw, but mine broke in March and I didn't figure I'd needed it again until fall when I would put up of few cords for burning in the fireplaces. I was wrong, so I sent it off with my wife (and boys) to the hardware store to get fixed while I used the second most manly tool in my arsenal, the short sword, no I mean the machette. So I started hacking away, leaving a good 3 feet in order to give the log chain something to bite on.

There were what seemed to be about 30 small trees in that 22 foot by 30 foot area, and after hauling the brush down the hill to my oversized compost pit I started pulling all the stumps out. Not having a tractor (or even a riding lawn mower), I had to settle for the 4x4 SUV. First I loaded about 200 lbs of stone slabs into the back to insure I would not spin out. While I was doing this activity I had my wife run around and gather all the required tools in the tool requirements list. She laughed because they even provided pictures of what the tools looked like. Then I had to load up all the little stumps and cart them away.

By the time I got all that done and the plot mostly leveled it was well after 2pm and I was even then reaching muscle fatigue. My hands would take turns spasming into all kinds of obscene or grotesque forms, then my back, or a foot or other muscle would start shaking. It's times like this you are glad to be working alone. With my yelps, spasms and tongue biting I was a dead ringer for turettes.

Next the fun part, unloading the boxes, sorting the parts, and doing an inventory to insure everything was there. Yup, all 144 parts are in there and all 572 pieces of hardware (which included 12 extra due to a product recall needing better bolts).

I got through most of phases 1 thru 4 today building the "fort" and I'm midway into screwing down the floor boards. I'm needing to take breaks to let my turettes subside, and with two boys already climbing on the set, it was all I could do to keep my usual calm demeanor. It seems I've perhaps made it through the hardest part which required the most futzing to get everything square and level. Tomorrow if I can even move (thank you anti-inflamatories which is why I can type this at all), I'm going to try to get through phases 4-21(22 actually since the slide has it's own manual). Only phase 8 has me a little worried since I need to install 19 wall slats. More to come later.