2006 O.HENRY PUN-OFF

[Occhidiangela]

I might like to visit Texas someday and see an endangered species: the Lone Star Bluestatebird. This queer bird was so threatened just 2 or 3 years ago that a passionate conservationist, or conservative I forget which, named Tom D. set aside large swaths of Texas where the Bluestatebirds were protected. To keep the economy from being burdened by such set-asides, however, he made sure that in the majority of Texas would be Bluestatebirds-free zones, so that business-as-usual could continue.
Maybe, if they allowed half an hour per response.

-V
Manager of Manger Rangers
The Forsaken Inn
[right][snapback]107500[/snapback][/right]

Dear prospective Texas Tourist:

Texas is surprisingly green, when you visit the green areas. I note that the Left Coast isn't as green as you might presume, having lived in an irrigated desert there some years ago. But back to Texas. The Big Thicket country is particularly green, with its magnificent pine and pecan trees, and would please you. So too is the sour cream that Mrs Occhi leaves in the back of the fridge, but I digress.

While Texas lost its Frogs some centuries ago, their banner (Torn Flesh of Tadpoles) still flies over the ubiquitous Six Flags tourist and fly traps. Those sites are optional, not required, destinations. We have gourmet restaurants in all of the major cities, pretensious cafés even, where frog's are served. Oh, wait, maybe that is no inducement to come visit!

Anyweigh, Señor Verde, you should visit. Greens abound in the Austin area, including a purely green Edwards Aquifer recharge zone that is development free, and shall remain so! One of my good friends is a green who lives in Kyle, a half hour south of Austin. He works in the water management directorate at the capital: Austin.

The species you wish to espy through your *cough* blinders *cough* binoculars runs rampant in Austin, ranging virtually unmolested. Travis County is a Bluestatebird reservation, clearly depicted on the fourth map from the top on this page. You will note that it is deep in the heart of Texas, :whistling: and happens to be where the punoff will occur. Your coloric fears of the Lone Star state are baseless, which belong to us. Do you really feel the time limit might clean your clock in a competition, or do you demure thanks to a mild case of punnish envy? :whistling: Fear not, your pun is safe from ridicule in the company of Lurkers.

You need not venture out into the wilds of the Llano Estacado, Big Bend Country, the Wild Horse Desert, the Piney Woods, nor even beyond the Balcones Escarpment in order to enjoy an immersive weekend amongst a veritable gaggle of Texas Bluestatebirds, puns, cold beer, and Rudy's Bar B Que'd lean brisket soaked in Rudy's Bar B Que sauce. (It is truly delicious, even if the Bar B Que sauce is red. Sauce is apolitical, pardner.)

Won't you reconsider?

FWIW, the Texas state bird is the Mockingbird, of which Cackling Molly Ivins is the most famous specimen. In case you hadn't heard, Tom D has left the building: he learned a new appreciation for the word railroad, this time from the receiving side. Doctor Irony Beard's class was in session.

Occhi, one of the Texas Rangers who says "ñé!"