Time for some Republican humour.

[kandrathe]

How about?

Two guys are sitting at a bar. Eventually the conversation turns to politics. One man mentions that he's a Republican. The other replies that he's a Democrat. The Republican snorts, "Why the hell would you be a Democrat?"

The Democrat replies, "Well, my Father before me was a Democrat, and my Grandfather before him was a Democrat and my Great-Grandfather before him was a Democrat. That's why I'm a Democrat".

The Republican can barely conceal his disgust. He says, "Well what if your Father was a crook and your Grandfather was a crook and your Great-Grandfather was a crook? What would that make you?"

"A Republican", the Democrat replies.

Or?

At New York's Kennedy International Airport today, an individual, later discovered to be a public school teacher, was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a setsquare, a slide rule, and a calculator.

Attorney general Alberto Gonzales believes the man is a member of the notorious al-gebra movement. He is being charged with carrying weapons of math instruction.

"Al-gebra is a very fearsome cult, indeed," Gonzales said. "They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on a tangent in a search of absolute value. They consist of quite shadowy figures, with names like "X" and "Y ", and, although they are frequently referred to as "unknowns", we know they really belong to a common denominator and are part of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the great Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, "there are 3 sides to every triangle."

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes".

Or?

Hillary Clinton was taking a break from her tough campaigning around Soho and walks into a curio shop.

Looking around at the exotica, she notices a very lifelike, life-sized bronze statue of a rat. It has no price tag, but is so striking she decides she must have it. She takes it to the owner: "How much for the bronze rat?"

"Twelve dollars for the rat, a hundred dollars for the story," says the owner.

Hillary gives the shop-owner twelve dollars. "I'll just take the rat, you can keep the story."

As she walks down the street carrying this bronze rat, she notices that a few real rats have crawled out of alleys and sewers, and begun following her down the street. This is a bit disconcerting, so she begins walking a little faster. Within a couple blocks, the group of rats behind her grows to over a hundred, and they begin squealing. She starts to trot toward the Hudson. She takes a nervous look around and sees that the rats now number in the thousands maybe millions- -and they are all squealing and coming toward her faster and faster. Terrified, she runs to the edge of the river, and throws the bronze rat as far out into the water as she can.

Amazingly, the millions of rats run past her and all jump into the river after the strange bronze statue, and are all drowned.

Hillary quickly walks back to the curio shop. "Ah ha," says the owner, "I'll bet you have come back for the story?"

"No," said Hillary, "I came back to see if you have any statues of  republicans."