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Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so St. Peter had to tell the first one, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?"
The first man replies: "Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something was wrong, but all my searching around didn't reveal where this other guy could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground! By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him, but wouldn't you know it, he wouldn't fall off. So finally I went back into my apartment and got a hammer and starting hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn't stand that for long, so he let go and fell-but even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes, stunned but okay. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the fridge, and threw it over the edge where it landed on him, killing him instantly. But all the stress and anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died there on the balchoy."
"That sounds like a pretty bad day to me," said Peter, and let the man in.
The second man comes up and Peter explains to him about heaven being full, and again asks for his story.
"It's been a very strange day. You see, I live on the 26th floor of my apartment building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my balcony. Well, this morning I must have slipped or something, because I fell over the edge. But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the balcony on the floor below me. I knew I couldn't hang on for very long, when suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony. I thought for sure I was saved, when he started beating on me and kicking me. I held on the best I could until he ran into the apartment and grabbed a hammer and started pounding on my hands. Finally I just let go, but again I got lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all right. Just when I was thinking I was going to be okay, this refrigerator comes falling out of the sky and crushes me instantly, and now I'm here."
Once again, Peter had to concede that that sounded like a pretty horrible death.
The third man came to the front of the line, and St. Peter asked for his story.
"Picture this," says the third man, "I'm hiding naked inside a refrigerator..."
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Great joke :)
Unfortunately, if I was to dip into my repertoire of jokes, I'd probably get banned :huh: :ph34r:
--Mith
I would rather be ashes than dust! I would rather that my spark should burn out in a brilliant blaze than it should be stifled by dry rot. I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow, than a sleepy and permanent planet. The proper function of man is to live, not to exist. I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them. I shall use my time.
Jack London
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This dislexic guy walks into a bra...
gekko
"Life is sacred and you are not its steward. You have stewardship over it but you don't own it. You're making a choice to go through this, it's not just happening to you. You're inviting it, and in some ways delighting in it. It's not accidental or coincidental. You're choosing it. You have to realize you've made choices."
-Michael Ventura, "Letters@3AM"
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Don't worry. You won't feel a thing...until I jam this down your throat!
-Dr. Nick Riviera
Have you read the FAQ, Etiquette, or the Rules yet?
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I do not recollect ever having seen said posts.
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Obi1.10Kenobi,Apr 26 2003, 11:09 PM Wrote:I do not recollect ever having seen said posts. I figured. This thread was buried on the 3rd page (assuming you use the default viewing settings). Just letting you know so that when Elric smacks you with the etiquette scroll, you at least know why ;)
Don't worry. You won't feel a thing...until I jam this down your throat!
-Dr. Nick Riviera
Have you read the FAQ, Etiquette, or the Rules yet?
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I've always considered it good etiquette to not dig up posts from the last page (I did look back all 3 pages, anyway... I just must have missed it)
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Obi1.10Kenobi,Apr 27 2003, 12:24 PM Wrote:I've always considered it good etiquette to not dig up posts from the last page Depends on how old it is for me. If it's been less than a month, I'll post in it (or hijack it ;)) to bump it to the top. Otherwise, over a month, I'll let it slowly fade into the abyss of the archives and start a new one. This is assuming I can't find any info in the archives to begin with, of course. :)
Quote:(I did look back all 3 pages, anyway... I just must have missed it)
Really, the only reason why I remember that particular thread was because I posted in it. :) Otherwise, I probably would have skimmed past it too.
Don't worry. You won't feel a thing...until I jam this down your throat!
-Dr. Nick Riviera
Have you read the FAQ, Etiquette, or the Rules yet?
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Hail Striker,
I didn't need to: you beat me to it ;) Oh, and I go on about a month too: if it's been more than a month or so, there's a good chance the original thread no longer exists (on this forum).
Oh, and is it only three pages? "...most regulars will read up to five pages back..." :D
*cough*
May the wind pick up your heels and your sword strike true.
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Angelo was walking towards the coat room today, when he clipped one of the classroom tables with his hip. Feeling slighted, he cursed at the table and swung his leg to kick the corner he'd bumped into. He missed the table leg by inches and sent his foot smashing into the underside of the table. He screamed and bent down to grab his toes, banging his head against the topside of the table.
At this point Angelo started crying, fell on his butt, and started trying to take his shoe off. He leaned forward to untie his shoe and hit his forehead against the edge of the table. After this he just curled up into a ball. I have never seen a tard lose a fight with an inanimate object quite as badly as this.
- Swiftslayer2
P.S. this is not meant to offend anyone. Im sorry if it does, feel free to bash me... (I have a retarded cousin myself)
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not funny
I get sensitive around "jokes" about the "retarded." My brother is developmentally disabled, and I always find myself taking things like this very personally. I guess maybe it's less "not funny" and more in bad taste, at least to me. If I had a flame-thrower, I'd think quite seriously about taking it out, leveling it, and incinerating your post, but in the end I'd swing it back and realize that it's not worth it. Sometimes I wonder if I might have some roots in Belgiumâ¦
I had a Belgian professor once that explained to us that he may not be quick to offer praise or criticism, following in the great tradition of the Belgian man who loved his wife so much that one day, he almost told her.
ah bah-bah-bah-bah-bah-bah-bob
dyah ah dah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dth
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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Yesterday, Saddam's doctor called a meeting of all the Saddam look-alikes:
"Men, I've got some good news and I've got some bad news.
The good news is Saddam is still alive.
The bad news is he lost an arm."
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LOL thats a good one :D
I Demand Pie.
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A re release of a blockbuster Broadway show, made specially for the dyslexic.
Title?
Scat
How is that old chip on the old shoulder?
Cry 'Havoc' and let slip the Men 'O War!
In War, the outcome is never final. --Carl von Clausewitz--
Igitur qui desiderat pacem, praeparet bellum
John 11:35 - consider why.
In Memory of Pete
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How is it that this scenario only applies to a 'tard?' That sounds like a typical Marx Brothers or Three Stooges bit of Slapstick humor.
Curious.
Cry 'Havoc' and let slip the Men 'O War!
In War, the outcome is never final. --Carl von Clausewitz--
Igitur qui desiderat pacem, praeparet bellum
John 11:35 - consider why.
In Memory of Pete
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That's from The Tard Blog. Which is funny in a sick way. The best I can say about it was I read it on a bad day and it made me feel better about my life. Now that probably makes me a really bad bad person :blink:
... *slinks away*
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Elric of Grans,Apr 27 2003, 05:21 PM Wrote:Hail Striker,
I didn't need to: you beat me to it ;) Oh, and I go on about a month too: if it's been more than a month or so, there's a good chance the original thread no longer exists (on this forum).
Oh, and is it only three pages? "...most regulars will read up to five pages back..." :D
*cough* You ever notice that when the two of us post in a thread that it veers off-topic like there's no tomorrow? Maybe it's just me :lol:
The default settings are set to the last 30 days worth of posts, so for now it goes back three pages. So I suppose when 1.10 comes out, it could balloon to 4 or 5 depending on how many discoveries are found and how many drastic changes there are. But if you were to set it to show all threads from the beginning, it's something like 8 pages.
Still, if it is older than 30 days, I've probably already said what I wanted to say in that particular thread, if I wanted to say anything at all.
Don't worry. You won't feel a thing...until I jam this down your throat!
-Dr. Nick Riviera
Have you read the FAQ, Etiquette, or the Rules yet?
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Hail Striker,
Perhaps it's not so much us going off-topic as it is the rest of them not keeping up with the conversation ;)
Anywho, before people start calling for my head, I wrote that etiquette piece back with the original forum, which sorted by date of posting, rather than most recent reply. Back then, there would usually be two pages a day - could be five or six some days though - and most people would read at least five pages back; some many more. 30 days on that forum was quite a lot of pages back :P
May the wind pick up your heels and your sword strike true.
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Occhidiangela,Apr 28 2003, 03:03 PM Wrote:A re release of a blockbuster Broadway show, made specially for the dyslexic.
Title?
Scat
How is that old chip on the old shoulder? I don't get it.
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That blockbuster Broadway show would be Cats. :D
UPDATE: Spamblaster.
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