A Caption Contest

[Obi2Kenobi]

I love that Acronym finder. Look at the last one on the list for dumb and I think you'll be pleastantly surprised.

[Ahvae'el]

My three entries (all coming from the mouth of the necro):

1) "Hullo, Akara; I was talking to Nihlathak and he warned me that there's a NASTY bout of gonorrhea passing around the necrophiles, something to do with a Defiler and a Stygian Harlot. Anyway, do you have any preventative potions for- ... uh oh."

2) "This imp shot an orange, wiggly, remarkably seminal missile at me a couple of days ago. My armor was feeling tighter but I thought I was okay, until now. I'm really sorry about the tent, but have you seen little Dac Farren Jr. anywhere?"

3) "Delivery from a Mr. Bill Roper? He said you'd understand."

I hope those even get considered, hehe.

Buena Suerte!

[Neon Elephant]

(2) "Did someone say ... 'McDonald's'?"

(3) "Well excuuuuuuse me, princess!"

[Baajikiil]

1) "I just love how it squishes between my toes. Don't you?"

2) "Shoot! This is harder than it looks. If only I can master spelling "I love you" in golem corpses, I'll win Akara's heart."

[TaMeOlta]

6. Necro " No , for the last time , I will not 'pull-your-finger' ...... well , OK , but this is the LAST time ..... " :blink:

[Rhydderch Hael]

Sorry, but I'm not in this one. Aside from the jokes surrounding incontinence and BBQ ribs, there's not much else to go on here :( . But it did remind me of a storyline scene I thought up for my abortive "Magnificent Seven" team variant, playing off the 'Shotgun on a Hearse' scene from the movie. Lines from which I attempted to incorporate into the caption contest.


Our Paladin Ranger players converge at an incident taking place in the middle of the camp. A Druid and a Barbarian are setting up to leave. A Necromancer, dressed in black, strolls up to the pair to drop 20 gold pieces to the ground, as well as an embalmed Demon Head sitting snug in a jar.

"I'm sorry, gentlemen, but the funeral is cancelled." says the Necro.

"Cancelled?!" says the Barbarian. "Don't tell me you're not ready with the poor guy yet."

"Oh, it's not that. The deceased is all trussed up and as ready as he'll ever be, but the funeral is off."

"I don't see what's the problem here. If you think this is a matter for the Captain, it's not like that. I didn't lay a hand on the guy," continued the Barbarian. "I was walking along the path from Gheed's when this lil' fellow just kilters over and dies at my feet, with all the other adventurers just walking over and around him like he was a fixture in the road. I'm just doing the decent thing in paying for this fellow to be buried in the Rogue Cementary. Surely you can understand that. What's the matter? Didn't we pay you enough?"

"It's not about money. For twenty coins of gold I'll plant anybody in the ground with a whoop and a holler, even ol' Sam here. Nonetheless, I'm afraid I won't be able to do it no matter how much I want to." replied the Necromancer.

"Look, he's not getting any younger. I want him buried. You want him buried. And if he could crawl out of that jar and talk, he'd second the notion. You can't get more unanimous than that."

The Necro nodded his head. "I'd sure like to oblige ya'. But, there's a certain element in the community that objects."

The Druid cocked his head. "To what?"

A grimace of dissatisfaction crept over the Necromancer's gaunt visage. "They say he ain't fit to be buried there."

"In the Rogue Cementary?" asked the Druid in disbelief. "Why, there ain't nothing there but executed cutthroats, brigands, and wayward vagabonds that kicked off under the Sisterhood's watch. And brother, if those guys ever felt exclusive, they're well past that now."

"Actually, I wouldn't put it past them to start complaining." smirked the Necro, a moment before resuming his somber tone. "But the fact of the matter is, they also happen to have been human. And ol' Sam— well, Sam here used to be a Carver."

The Druid gaped. "Well, I'll be... "

"I always thought you just had to be a corpse to get into the Rogue Cementary." remarked the Barbarian. "When did this start happening?"

"Ever since the land got 'civilized'. I tell you, I don't like it myself. No siree. I've always sought to treat every being equally and the same, as a potential future minion."

"If that's the case, then get that jar moving to the graveyard!"

"I can't! My runner has gone and quit on me!"

"He's prejudiced, too." observed the Druid grimly.

"Well, when it comes to taking a chance at getting his head chopped off, he's downright bigoted!" answered the Necromancer.

"Then get someone else to do it!"

"I've got no one else!"

Chris, our Paladin Ranger #1, piped up. "Aw, hell. If that's what's keeping things up, I'll carry the head."

The Barbarian slapped the 20 gold pieces back into the Necromancer's hand as Chris strolled over and scooped up the head.

Vin, our Paladin Ranger #2, turned to a bystander on his right: a crossbow-wielding Amazon, "Mind if I borrow that demon machine?"

"You're more than welcome to it." she replied, handing over the weapon, along with a quiver of bolts. Chris looked over at his new companion and made a slight grin. Vin loaded a bolt, spanned the crossbow, and cocked his head.

"Never played second shot to a pallbearer before."

"Don't worry. We'll make it there." replied Chris.

"Gettin' there is not what I'm worried about. It's staying there that I mind."

[TaMeOlta]

Sorry, but I'm not in this one. Aside from the jokes surrounding incontinence and BBQ ribs, there's not much else to go one here.

:P Rhydd , Who was talking about the continents ?!? ( ;) )

I liked the story BTW :D !

[TheDragoon]

Ok, there's three. B)

[Rhydderch Hael]

Thank you. The "objecting community element", of course, takes form in Blood Raven and the aforementioned grumpy residents of the cementary itself. The thing about this quest is that 'd hoped that the other players in the game, aside from the Chris and Vin characters, would stay in the game and tag along behind the questing pair, watching as the two Rangers gunned their way up to the Burial Grounds. Quest ends with Blood Raven being knocked down as well as dropping the preserved head onto one of the grave markers.

[Raziel]

ENTRY:

"You've defeated Andariel, Duriel, Mephisto, Diablo and Baal - and even brought home a pet Barbarian. What will you do NOW?"

"Only one thing I can do baby... strut."

Well, you can tell by the way I use my wand
I'm the corpse man: they never talk
Moaning's loud and bodies warm, i've had white hair since i've been born
And it's allright, it's okay, you can look the other way
Please don't try to understand why I keep fresh meat on hand..

Ah ah ah ah Stayin' Undead.. Stayin' Undead..

[lemekim]

Couldn't resist...


"Can you find Waldo's remains?"

[Griselda]

If you don't pay Atma what you owe her, next time it won't be golem's blood."

[Obi2Kenobi]

And some people don't like skeletons...

[DroopingCactus]

1: Good thing you've got that invisible force field around your tent.

2: That, my friend, is the smell of victory.

3: Maybe that'll give Gheed something to put on his boil...

[Tempest]

One:

Learning by Example -
"...So you see Akara, this is why you cannot place a Horadric Cube inside another Horadric Cube..."

Two:

A Slight Error -
"One...two...three...four...and five. What the...? Didn't you say this would take me to Tristram?"

Three:

Another take on a classic cliché
"I see you tread carefully but where's your big stick?"

[Occhidiangela]

I was pleased to see that they had it.

DEMON is DEMOdulated Noise. A Demon might live in a pool of LAVA, which is a Lowfrequency Acoustic Vernier Analyzer.

A demon in the lava might make differenc to Jonesy, in Hunt For Red October, when he tries to sort out the submarine from the whale flatus.

Flatus comes, of course, from the American Nihilist Underground Society. For some reason, I think the Nihilists picked a perfect name, acronym wise. :D

On the other hand, given the site's info, it is a shame what they did to ELVIS.

[whyBish]

"I can't believe it isn't Pizza!"

[Chaerophon]

The necro, barb, and Akara rehearse for Gheed's intervention... this latest incursion into Akara's corner of the encampment is really the last straw:

Necro: "Gheed, back away from the bowl. All earthly sense may have left YOU, but the rest of us have to deal with this rotten stench! You've GOT to lay off of the Narlant weed! Butchering those cows really wasn't necessary - all you've got to sell us these days is leather armor as it is AND NOBODY WANTS MORE! Cripes, try importing a diamond plate or something..."

[Charon the Hand]

"Good afternoon, madam; allow me to demonstrate the new Hoover Wet/Dry Vac Supreme vacuum cleaner. It can clean this unsightly golem dust without the need to deal with sometimes finicky magic. If you'll just direct me to your electrical socket, we'll get this cleaned up in a jiffy."

[goldfish]

1. Golems of mass destruction? What golems of mass destruction?


2. I suggest a new strategy, Akara. Let the Wookiee win.