Ode to the Lost Golem

[Occhidiangela]

Goofy mood tonight...

Once there was an endless quest,
An epic hero's plight.
Save the child, kill the rest:
A neverending fight.

*snip*

Tristram's heroes all are gone
To war against the Horde.
And yet the riddles linger on
Concerning the Dark Lord.

Since Blizz will collect monthly fees
From their new market  spot,
Our hope to see Diablo 3's
As grim as the game's plot.
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That was fun. :D

May I offer a musing related to one outcome of Tyrael's sword throwing moment?

Note: This verse was found scrawled in ancient Khandaran glyphs on a stall in the fishmarket of Lut Gholein. The original author is unknown, although OcchiD'Merc assures me that Geglash has been heard to recite this when well into his cups. Ever since the fire that swept the Lut Gholein fishmarket, thanks to Sergeant Pygmy having accidentally dropped his torch into a barrel of whale oil while shopping for fresh carp, that stall is no more. The best reproduction of Geglash's version of the verse is herein set down here for posterity's sake.




Yes, the game is rated M. Caveat Emptor If you don't care for ribaldry, stop now.




Lavitro's Lament


When Tyrael, Heaven's own rube
With blade destroyed the Worldstone
He purged the world of sundry magic
Left one Necro a'lacking his spear of bone

Played on him, who had cursed beast and demon
Was a joke both poignant and ironic
Midst a sea of hot zons, all randy and bored
For bone spearing he needed a tonic

Most gals did not care for his Golem
Nor caresses from Skels in his loft
A few bondage queens liked his Bone Prison
But his finisher went south, most oft'

While beguile and attract them he could
Livitro brought forth no more wood
So he'd sulk over wine at the Tavern
Hiring lap dances from gals of Jehryn's harem

Pariah with ladies, butt of men's jests
He broodily stared at the Amazons' chests
Near mad, thoughts of falling on his poison dagger
Super Sunday, inspired, he arose with a stagger!

"Eureka! That'll solve this cursed loss of bone!"
He screamed at the flickering Tee Vee
Standing up all at once, he spilled all his wine
And the lap dancer from off of his knee

The scene on the screen that Livitro espied
Portrayed romance and bliss at Niagra
Out the door, up the street, to Drognan he hied
To buy the entire stock of Viagra™

As the fisherman steps his mast to sail home
And the warrior raises his standard
Livitro once more casts his spell, Spear of Bone
Since that day, zons his iron have not slandered.

All's well in his world, with his latest reviving
Now he's pleased with the lay of the land
But when even the zons find his passion to gauche
There's his Golem, Revive, or right hand.

~Anonymous, the usual suspect~