The Truth About Idaho

[Occhidiangela]

  But if I drove into nothing and got potatoes, where was I? Better yet, what were those potatoes? :ph34r:
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Those "potatoes" were actually "spuds" of LSD 84. (Too large to be called "tabs.") While LSD 25 is found in sugar cubes or on blotter paper (that's why people put their heads down on their desks, eh?) LSD 84, due to its weight from the inherent Polonium content, (Po/84/210) needs a larger inert carrier. While the Idaho Spud has a better than average neutron absorbing coefficient, twice as absorbant as an Irish potato for example, it cannot wholly contain the radioactive emissions that operate at a resonant frequency (in the 11th octave) similar to that of alpha brain waves. The effect is nearly identical to LSD 25, hence the nomenclature.

If you doubt this finding: Why else are the Irish so mad? Why else do Russians do the bear dance? Potato born polonium, as insidious as mercury poisoning among hatters in Victorian England, has been a mental health hazard too long ignored.

Given your exposure, you should check your body with a Geiger counter soon.* Polonium is considered by some to be the trigger for initial cell mutation in tobacco-induced lung cancer. Thanks to Professor James Marshall, University of North Texas, the mystery of where you were, now that you know "what those potatoes really were" is explained via the exotic analysis method known as caffeine-conductive-deductive reasoning: you were in Abilene.

Also note that "Polonium has been found in tobacco as a contaminant and in uranium ores."

Ever wonder why a cigar glows orange? Wonder no longer! Tobacco is a mildly radioactive substance. If not for the brave smugglers trucking cigarette's from North Carolina to New York every fall, tobacco might reach critical mass in the Tar Heel state, and spontaneously induce a messy radioactive explosion -- the likes of which Al Qaeda can only dream of. Fidel Castro kept Cuba from spontaneously exploding via cigar exports as a self-preservation measure. The Po also explains his recent "diagnosis" with Parkinson's by the CIA. :shuriken:

Polonium content also explains why potato guns are illegal in most states. It is a combined security (WMD) and mental health (brain damage) problem.

Who put the Po in Potato? Nature did.

Who put the straw in strawberry? Nature did.

Who put the freak in French Fries? The ain't no freak in French Fries! Sorry, I just had a Jack-In-The-Box-Nichloson moment there.

Occhi

* -- Geiger Counters available for $24.95 + S & H; send certified check to Occhi's Geiger's Counter and Coffee Emporium.

Disclaimer: this explanation of the Potato/Polonium synergy has not yet passed peer review and should be considered to be in daft form. Further research into the long term health impact of polonium carried by french fries, and the mass hallucinations resulting thereby (I mean, really, who would go to an Ashley Simpson concert unless mentally impaired?) is underway at ASU: Agitated State University.

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Yes, I left the "r" out on purpose.