This entire article is hilarious

[LemmingofGlory]

As for sex with animals: how do we know the animals don't enjoy it?  I imagine in some cases, such as the old abberations with gerbils in colons, a good assumption could be made for gerbil not being keen on that whole can't breath in the feces tunnel scenario --  see the Gerbill cartoon sequence by Joe Cartoon for elaboration -- but for animals closer to size with humans, do we really know how the animals feel about it?  Or do all parties ASSUME certain emotions in an animal?

You can leave out the gerbil scenario. There's no evidence that anyone actually does that, so while I applaud your continued interest in rectal foreign bodies I would ask that you be mindful of the facts.

For all I know, when the hypothetical goat herder in the Sudan has a little afternoon delight with one of his flock it could be the highlight of her week.  Or, she might be moved to think "get lost, pal."  Has anyone in academia done a serious study of this, absent preconceived prejudices?  I smell a government grant just waiting to be approved!

Hey, who knows? Plenty of the Ig Nobel Prize winners were working with government money.

-Lemmy