04-30-2003, 02:57 AM
Communication - as stated previously - is a two way street. For effective communication, usually some understanding between the people is required, but not always.
Communication between the sexes can be boiled down to:
1) Women speak in feelings
2) Men speak in goals
What does this mean? It means that whatever is being said, you have to filter it through those 2 rules. When a woman asks, "Do I look fat?" she does not want an objective answer. Answering objectively implies a goal oriented style of thinking. Doing so will get you a nights sleep on the couch if you are so lucky. No, what she would rather hear is how you feel when you look at her. Compliments work well here. But those can be tricky as well if not conveyed with the proper mix of feeling - or sincerity behind the words. This is not always so easy to pull off. There are times (some would argue most times) that men simply do not care (IE think) about what they are feeling. In those cases, you need to develop a self preservation mechanism that can autonomously go off, but still be vague enough to imply sincerity. Some call this romance. It's the stage of when 2 people are attracted to each other that all they think about is how the other feels. That is romance. If you can get that trick down, then you will go far in attracting the opposite sex.
The ironic thing about this situation is men can easily understand it. 2 options, filtered through those rules. The difficulty is when men try to talk with feeling. Now there are times, usually brought about by some powerful situation, that men can talk in feelings, then the man and woman can speak empathically. It is during those times that men can acquire 'relationship coins'. Those are ways to increase your value to the other sex. They can be cashed in, sometimes with great effect. Other times trying to spend 'relationship coins' will backfire. An example could be all the coins acquired with the courtship phase of the relationship. Cashing those in during an argument is tricky business indeed. You have to spend slowly, building up relationship equity, mixing in romance at the right times, then plunking down the right amount that equals her percieved value in you. Almost undoable, for this involves feelings, and this is something men are just not equiped to do consistently.
The dichotomy of communication between the sexes is always there. Never let your guard down. The effect is even more amplified when a disagreement comes between the 2 sexes. Remember. Women speak in feelings (process) and men just want the resolution (goal). That is why men can never win an argument with women. They simply do not have the right wiring inside the ol' noodle. The best thing to do is try and get to the goal by buying relationship coins. This usually involves some kind of gift (flowers is the traditional one). It explains to the woman in very clear terms that whatever you may think, you are always thinking about her well being. She will eventually come around. And then you 2 can go back to trying to decide where to go and eat.
Have fun!
Communication between the sexes can be boiled down to:
1) Women speak in feelings
2) Men speak in goals
What does this mean? It means that whatever is being said, you have to filter it through those 2 rules. When a woman asks, "Do I look fat?" she does not want an objective answer. Answering objectively implies a goal oriented style of thinking. Doing so will get you a nights sleep on the couch if you are so lucky. No, what she would rather hear is how you feel when you look at her. Compliments work well here. But those can be tricky as well if not conveyed with the proper mix of feeling - or sincerity behind the words. This is not always so easy to pull off. There are times (some would argue most times) that men simply do not care (IE think) about what they are feeling. In those cases, you need to develop a self preservation mechanism that can autonomously go off, but still be vague enough to imply sincerity. Some call this romance. It's the stage of when 2 people are attracted to each other that all they think about is how the other feels. That is romance. If you can get that trick down, then you will go far in attracting the opposite sex.
The ironic thing about this situation is men can easily understand it. 2 options, filtered through those rules. The difficulty is when men try to talk with feeling. Now there are times, usually brought about by some powerful situation, that men can talk in feelings, then the man and woman can speak empathically. It is during those times that men can acquire 'relationship coins'. Those are ways to increase your value to the other sex. They can be cashed in, sometimes with great effect. Other times trying to spend 'relationship coins' will backfire. An example could be all the coins acquired with the courtship phase of the relationship. Cashing those in during an argument is tricky business indeed. You have to spend slowly, building up relationship equity, mixing in romance at the right times, then plunking down the right amount that equals her percieved value in you. Almost undoable, for this involves feelings, and this is something men are just not equiped to do consistently.
The dichotomy of communication between the sexes is always there. Never let your guard down. The effect is even more amplified when a disagreement comes between the 2 sexes. Remember. Women speak in feelings (process) and men just want the resolution (goal). That is why men can never win an argument with women. They simply do not have the right wiring inside the ol' noodle. The best thing to do is try and get to the goal by buying relationship coins. This usually involves some kind of gift (flowers is the traditional one). It explains to the woman in very clear terms that whatever you may think, you are always thinking about her well being. She will eventually come around. And then you 2 can go back to trying to decide where to go and eat.
Have fun!