01-22-2005, 07:04 AM
Quote: Anyone see it yet?
I finally rented it from my local library, and here's the scoop ... it's poop.
Warning: some spoilers here, do not read further if you are a big Vin Diesel fan and plan to watch this film. (IS there such a thing as a big Vin Diesel fan?)
That said. . . .
I saw Pitch Black and liked it, it was decent.
Then I saw The Chronicles of Riddick, hoping for similar fare.
There were a TON of things in this movie that drove me up a wall. The whole movie is, quite literally, one flawed scene after another.
Take the start of the movie -- Riddick, on foot, alone, in a frigid wasteland with nothing but his wits and his knives -- running while being tracked by a spaceship! They close in -- the commander yells fire! -- and they almost get him with . . . . a net???? Riddick meantime lures the ship into a cavern where its high-tec devices and firepower are rendered useless and proceeds to slaughter 3 of the 4 crewmembers (the captain lives to bounty-hunt another day). Now wait a minute -- this is supposed to show what a great fighter Riddick is? They are trying to CAPTURE him, and heâs playing for keeps? Whoâs actually the brave person(s) in this little scenario? And whoâs the coward?
Flash forward, next cool fight. Riddick has made it to the holy manâs house on Helion Prime and the City government has sent out troops to conduct house-to-house searches for him, thinking heâs a Necromonger spy sent preceeding their invasion fleet. Eight of these dudes burst into the room where Riddick is, and he puts out the lights (candles) and then proceeds to put out theirs, permanently. Awesome fight, right?
Um, wrong. These eight dudes are obviously City Militia, probably not even as well-trained as policemen (remember, thereâs the one downstairs who just cuts and runs when Riddick shows up for him). And Riddick is the last(?) in a race of genetically engineered super-warriors (the Furians) who is superbly trained. And then heâs gonna put out the lights, effectively blinding all the militiamen. 8 blind armed militiamen versus 1 trained and armed assasin at close quarters -- and heâs armed with close quarters weapons? You call that a fair fight? Riddick, thatâs not brave, thatâs COWARDLY.
âCourse it doesnât help that good is so dumb -- a la Mel Brookâs Space Balls. I mean, you send out your entire militia to do a house to house search AT NIGHT and donât issue anyone a cheap pair of night-vision goggles? Gimme a break!
But -- and this is the kicker -- it really IS the good guys that are dumb, because the Necromongers DO land and attack the planet in the next two minutes of the film, and the rest of the City Militia Troops run out and fight the Necromongers! They kill a bunch and get slaughtered in return. But think of this: those Militiamen are fighting to protect/save the inhabitants of that city, INCLUDING RIDDICK! And what has Riddick done in return? Just slaughtered eight of their comrades.
Maybe heâll send an apology, explaining it was all just a terrible mistake?
Next major âwhatthe?â scene. Riddick has been captured and is being taken to be
âreprogrammedâ by the necromongers. They put him in a chamber where his mind gets assaulted by some combination machine/ghost apparatus which a.) completely immobilizes him, forcing him down on all fours while it âinterrogatesâ him and strips him of all his metal weapons and b.) has about a twenty yard diameter area around it where everyone else -- including about 12
necromonger guards with projectile weapons and axes -- are all watching the interrogation. When the machine determines and announces that Riddick is a long lost Furian and must be killed, what is the first thing the bad-guy-leader does? Why, turns off the machine holding him immobile, of course! Whoa, and I thought good was dumb..... Assuming that they either donât want to damage the machines
or they canât use projectile weapons while the machines are on, why not have just four or five of the guards train projectile weapons on Riddick and then tell them that youâre going to count to three, and then turn off the machine at which point the guards are to fire one shot apiece. From an âon all foursâ position, I donât think Riddick will be able to outdodge the bullets at 12 yards distance. Instead, they leap into the chamber and try to axe him to death. But eh, the show must go on.. . . and *sigh* it does.
Which leads into the next question -- how come a civilization that can cross lightyears of space and has such incredible technology (something more destructive than even nuclear bombs), how come like 1/3 of all their footsoldiers are armed with . . . halberds? And whatâs with the âdubbed footstepsâ soundtrack and all the dudes marching about in unison? I was ready for a chorus of âO - eee - o, eyooo - E!â to break out and for the faces on the upright spacecraft to shout âI am the great and powerful OZ!â Maybe the next flight of fighters from the spacecraft could have been flying monkeys! Funky, guys. Very funky.
Next up: Riddick is captured by bounty-hunters and sent to the XXX maximum security facility on planet Crematoria. What was the deal with the chick (Kira?) when they let loose the âanimalsâ for feeding time? Did she make it into a âsafeâ area or no? Then why did those four dudes (other prisoners) accost her? Sheâs been there years, and now suddenly they âcaptureâ her? What for? They canât be wanting to turn her in to the warden or authorities because she isnât worth anything and sheâs already been there for YEARS. So they have rape on their minds? Suddenly NOW they've got the hots for her? Yet they KNOW (as theyâve stated) âsheâs always got a knife on her somewhereâ. And they choose to FRISK her? Oh come on! You know sheâs armed! You saw her kill a guy with her bare hands and a piece of chain within 20 seconds of Riddickâs setting foot on your prison floor. Yet now youâre going to FRISK her? And you expect THATâS going to make her give up her knives?!?! Good=dumb, bad =dumb, movie = ???
And who can forget this memorable scene: Riddick and Kira are about to take on a slew of Necromongers prior to storming the bounty-hunterâs spacecraft, and Riddick says âRemember that game your talked about? Who can kill the fastest? Letâs play.â Man, if Kira had said âLetâs not but say we didâ I would have gotten up and applauded. Instead we get treated to about ten minutes of gratuitous violence during which we KNOW that Riddick and Kira will both emerge relatively unscathed -- there are, after all, twenty minutes left in the movie.
Cut to the final scene. As in so many other movies, in the climactic fight between Riddick and the Ultimate Bad Guy (UBG) itâs obvious that Riddick is horribly outmatched. But for whatever reason, the bad guy drops his weapon (the knife Riddick threw into his shoulder) and agrees to go hand-to-hand barehanded with Riddick! Maaaaaan! Give it a rest! Then at so many times in the fight the UBG could just have grabbed a weapon, whoosed behind Riddick and blat! -- knife in the head! Game over! But noooooo, not gonna do that. Gonna fight him to total exhaustion, then give a long-winded speech while someone else sneaks up and gets me from behind. Arrrrrrrgh! Canât we skip this tedious simplistic ending! Weâve seen this over and over again since the1960âs Batman cartoons with Adam West! Puh-leez!
I liked the dark atmosphere of the movie. The acting was actually quite good (um, Vinâs was ok, Iâm talking more about the supporting cast). The special effects were great! There was -- gasp! -- a plot that made sense! But the whole movie was made up of these scenes where, one after the other, youâre asked to suspend credulity and say, âoh yeah, that makes perfect senseâ.
Trouble is, it doesnât.
So, as far as a science fiction movie, itâs a cut above the rest with itâs acting, atmosphere, plot, and special effects.
But can you "lose" yourself in it and enjoy it? Not really, unless you are just in it for the ride and the special effects eye-candy.
It's not so bad that I wish I had that hour and a half back (or whatever it was) but I'm certainly glad I didn't hit it in the theaters. Renting it from my library I can truely say it was worth every penny I paid to see it.
I finally rented it from my local library, and here's the scoop ... it's poop.
Warning: some spoilers here, do not read further if you are a big Vin Diesel fan and plan to watch this film. (IS there such a thing as a big Vin Diesel fan?)
That said. . . .
I saw Pitch Black and liked it, it was decent.
Then I saw The Chronicles of Riddick, hoping for similar fare.
There were a TON of things in this movie that drove me up a wall. The whole movie is, quite literally, one flawed scene after another.
Take the start of the movie -- Riddick, on foot, alone, in a frigid wasteland with nothing but his wits and his knives -- running while being tracked by a spaceship! They close in -- the commander yells fire! -- and they almost get him with . . . . a net???? Riddick meantime lures the ship into a cavern where its high-tec devices and firepower are rendered useless and proceeds to slaughter 3 of the 4 crewmembers (the captain lives to bounty-hunt another day). Now wait a minute -- this is supposed to show what a great fighter Riddick is? They are trying to CAPTURE him, and heâs playing for keeps? Whoâs actually the brave person(s) in this little scenario? And whoâs the coward?
Flash forward, next cool fight. Riddick has made it to the holy manâs house on Helion Prime and the City government has sent out troops to conduct house-to-house searches for him, thinking heâs a Necromonger spy sent preceeding their invasion fleet. Eight of these dudes burst into the room where Riddick is, and he puts out the lights (candles) and then proceeds to put out theirs, permanently. Awesome fight, right?
Um, wrong. These eight dudes are obviously City Militia, probably not even as well-trained as policemen (remember, thereâs the one downstairs who just cuts and runs when Riddick shows up for him). And Riddick is the last(?) in a race of genetically engineered super-warriors (the Furians) who is superbly trained. And then heâs gonna put out the lights, effectively blinding all the militiamen. 8 blind armed militiamen versus 1 trained and armed assasin at close quarters -- and heâs armed with close quarters weapons? You call that a fair fight? Riddick, thatâs not brave, thatâs COWARDLY.
âCourse it doesnât help that good is so dumb -- a la Mel Brookâs Space Balls. I mean, you send out your entire militia to do a house to house search AT NIGHT and donât issue anyone a cheap pair of night-vision goggles? Gimme a break!
But -- and this is the kicker -- it really IS the good guys that are dumb, because the Necromongers DO land and attack the planet in the next two minutes of the film, and the rest of the City Militia Troops run out and fight the Necromongers! They kill a bunch and get slaughtered in return. But think of this: those Militiamen are fighting to protect/save the inhabitants of that city, INCLUDING RIDDICK! And what has Riddick done in return? Just slaughtered eight of their comrades.
Maybe heâll send an apology, explaining it was all just a terrible mistake?
Next major âwhatthe?â scene. Riddick has been captured and is being taken to be
âreprogrammedâ by the necromongers. They put him in a chamber where his mind gets assaulted by some combination machine/ghost apparatus which a.) completely immobilizes him, forcing him down on all fours while it âinterrogatesâ him and strips him of all his metal weapons and b.) has about a twenty yard diameter area around it where everyone else -- including about 12
necromonger guards with projectile weapons and axes -- are all watching the interrogation. When the machine determines and announces that Riddick is a long lost Furian and must be killed, what is the first thing the bad-guy-leader does? Why, turns off the machine holding him immobile, of course! Whoa, and I thought good was dumb..... Assuming that they either donât want to damage the machines
or they canât use projectile weapons while the machines are on, why not have just four or five of the guards train projectile weapons on Riddick and then tell them that youâre going to count to three, and then turn off the machine at which point the guards are to fire one shot apiece. From an âon all foursâ position, I donât think Riddick will be able to outdodge the bullets at 12 yards distance. Instead, they leap into the chamber and try to axe him to death. But eh, the show must go on.. . . and *sigh* it does.
Which leads into the next question -- how come a civilization that can cross lightyears of space and has such incredible technology (something more destructive than even nuclear bombs), how come like 1/3 of all their footsoldiers are armed with . . . halberds? And whatâs with the âdubbed footstepsâ soundtrack and all the dudes marching about in unison? I was ready for a chorus of âO - eee - o, eyooo - E!â to break out and for the faces on the upright spacecraft to shout âI am the great and powerful OZ!â Maybe the next flight of fighters from the spacecraft could have been flying monkeys! Funky, guys. Very funky.
Next up: Riddick is captured by bounty-hunters and sent to the XXX maximum security facility on planet Crematoria. What was the deal with the chick (Kira?) when they let loose the âanimalsâ for feeding time? Did she make it into a âsafeâ area or no? Then why did those four dudes (other prisoners) accost her? Sheâs been there years, and now suddenly they âcaptureâ her? What for? They canât be wanting to turn her in to the warden or authorities because she isnât worth anything and sheâs already been there for YEARS. So they have rape on their minds? Suddenly NOW they've got the hots for her? Yet they KNOW (as theyâve stated) âsheâs always got a knife on her somewhereâ. And they choose to FRISK her? Oh come on! You know sheâs armed! You saw her kill a guy with her bare hands and a piece of chain within 20 seconds of Riddickâs setting foot on your prison floor. Yet now youâre going to FRISK her? And you expect THATâS going to make her give up her knives?!?! Good=dumb, bad =dumb, movie = ???
And who can forget this memorable scene: Riddick and Kira are about to take on a slew of Necromongers prior to storming the bounty-hunterâs spacecraft, and Riddick says âRemember that game your talked about? Who can kill the fastest? Letâs play.â Man, if Kira had said âLetâs not but say we didâ I would have gotten up and applauded. Instead we get treated to about ten minutes of gratuitous violence during which we KNOW that Riddick and Kira will both emerge relatively unscathed -- there are, after all, twenty minutes left in the movie.
Cut to the final scene. As in so many other movies, in the climactic fight between Riddick and the Ultimate Bad Guy (UBG) itâs obvious that Riddick is horribly outmatched. But for whatever reason, the bad guy drops his weapon (the knife Riddick threw into his shoulder) and agrees to go hand-to-hand barehanded with Riddick! Maaaaaan! Give it a rest! Then at so many times in the fight the UBG could just have grabbed a weapon, whoosed behind Riddick and blat! -- knife in the head! Game over! But noooooo, not gonna do that. Gonna fight him to total exhaustion, then give a long-winded speech while someone else sneaks up and gets me from behind. Arrrrrrrgh! Canât we skip this tedious simplistic ending! Weâve seen this over and over again since the1960âs Batman cartoons with Adam West! Puh-leez!
I liked the dark atmosphere of the movie. The acting was actually quite good (um, Vinâs was ok, Iâm talking more about the supporting cast). The special effects were great! There was -- gasp! -- a plot that made sense! But the whole movie was made up of these scenes where, one after the other, youâre asked to suspend credulity and say, âoh yeah, that makes perfect senseâ.
Trouble is, it doesnât.
So, as far as a science fiction movie, itâs a cut above the rest with itâs acting, atmosphere, plot, and special effects.
But can you "lose" yourself in it and enjoy it? Not really, unless you are just in it for the ride and the special effects eye-candy.
It's not so bad that I wish I had that hour and a half back (or whatever it was) but I'm certainly glad I didn't hit it in the theaters. Renting it from my library I can truely say it was worth every penny I paid to see it.