your favorite quotes

[Count Duckula]

Dude, I wish I'd found this thread before it went to hell in a handbasket.

I DM a six-player D&D group, and my groupies are nice enough to collect funny quotes from the game. Here are some of our best:

Aina, the party druid encounters a particularly nasty water trap after setting fire to some centipedes.
Aina: "There's nothing better than burning things down when there's paintings that try to drown you."

Aina's player explains to a hallmate why exactly the party's planning to kill the town leader.
Fuuma, explaining to Karen: "My idea was that we go back to his place, have him do stuff for us, take his stuff, and then kill him. Everyone else was like Yeah!"

After a drunken night in the tavern with the Fey, the halfling rogue, Aifric, the gnomish sorcerer, tries to convince the DM that his intentions for returning to the whorehouse are honorable ones.
Aifric: "What do you think I would do in a whor- oh yeah. I don't pay for sex."
Aina: "No it's free, it's over there." (and points at Fey)

Saber, the half-dragon monk, makes sure his prisoner, the town alchemist, doesn't try escaping again by tying the guy to a bed post.
Saber:"I tie him to the bed post, he’s sitting on the ground. No kinky ideas here."
Aina:"Our party’s not like that."
DM:"Yet."

This one speaks for itself. This is what happens when the DM gets busy.
Lala (dwarven ranger): "There are people attacking."
DM: "Hold on, the people are getting stats."

When asked to justify his actions, Aifric responds...
Aifric: "I’m not insane, I’m horny. There’s a difference."

Fuuma: "Can I roll for initiative?"
DM: "Do you want to attack them?"
Fuuma: "Um…yes…"

When confronted with a question about clotting and heal checks, the party bursts into song as the DM checks the DMG.
Fuuma: "Does the heal make the clot, does the heal make the clot, hi ho the derry oh, does Aifric make the clot?"
DM: "The DM looks it up, the DM looks it up, hi ho the derry oh, the DM looks it up."
Everyone: "And Aifric doesn’t clot, and Aifric doesn’t clot, hi ho the derry oh, and Aifric doesn’t clot."

DM: "Besyrwan (the NPC gnomish bard) is sort of obsessing over his rapier."

Aifric attempts to open a locked door with disasterous results/
DM: "You jam in the lock whatever you used to pick the lock on the door."
Aifric: "My finger hurts."

NPCs have a spirited discussion and the party wants in on it too.
Aina: "The spirit of Aina protests."
Aifric: "The spirit of Aifric says 'Yeah!'"
Aina: "The spirit of Aina goes 'Shut up, spirit of Aifric'."

Besyrwan flirts with Fey.
Besyrwan: "Come climb aboard my wagon."
Deanna: "Did you say climb aboard my wife?"
DM falls off her chair laughing.

Riven's griffon, Velor, is hit by an arrow. What does Riven do next?
DM: "Well, you can pull the arrow out of his flesh."
Riven: "No, I'm gonna leave it there for decoration. Hang (stuff) off of it."
Aina: "Man, I always wanted a towel rack on this thing."

Saber and Aina confuse a simpleminded wyrmling dragon and her pet bard by pretending to be trees.
Pick: "Max, this isn't a tree!"
Max Arengo: "Well, is it talking to you?"
Pick: "I don't know." Calls out to the copse where Saber and Aina are hiding/ "Are you talking to me?"
Saber: "No."