When Was The Last Time . . .

[Occhidiangela]

. . . you looked forward to cutting the grass?

. . . a Scotsman looked at his wife and said "Darlin', does this kilt make me look fat?"

. . . a world champion boxer retired before he started embarassing himself in the ring?

. . . Rush Limbaugh thought something through before he opened his cake hole?

. . . Blizzard met a deadline?

. . . an Irishman said "this Island is big enough for all of us?"

. . . the Boston Red Sox didn't choke in the post season?

. . . a Arab in traditional attire asked his wife "Does this robe make me look fat?"

. . . the Dallas Cowboys won three games in a row?

. . . the dog didn't lick his balls in front of company?

. . . a politician understood and practiced leadership?

. . . a Hula dancer asked his wife "Does this grass skirt make me look fat?"

. . . an NCAA Division I team graduated 100% of its scholarship players?

. . . the vagaries in the price of a gallon of gasoline made any sense?

. . . you found a new locale when the last words on the phone were"You can't miss it?"

. . . you flossed your teeth without thinking that there must be something better to do with your time?

. . . you actually saw dental plaque?

. . . A woman actually asked her husband "Honey, does this dress make me look fat?"

I don't believe that last has ever happened. I have heard "how does this dress look" "does this dress look good on me" "is this dress good with these shoes" and "do you think this dress is my color" but I have never heard "Does this dress make me look fat" and I personally don't believe that any real live woman has ever uttered that question in real life: at least, not to her husband. I think it is one of the great urban legends, or the creation of some stand up comic. :D

What do you think?

Oh dear, free association has taken hold of me.


Ribald Poetry Included

Dice Material, proceed with caution

Dice as in Andrew Dice Clay

Ya know, that guy with a lousy attitude towards "chicks"

Yeah, that guy, the fella with the Brooklyn accent and all of the rhinestone leather

Yeah, the hero of The Adventures of Ford Fairlane, the film whose only redeeming value was to see Wayne Newton set on fire, on film, by a lit Zambuco Shake.

That Dice

So, some folks may not want to continue.


Ya know, you folks who don't appreciate Ribald Humor. You know who you are. :)


Mary, Mary,
Quite contrary
How does your garden grow?
"What's it to you, snapperhead?"