Funny Newspaper Column...

[ShadowHM]

Although the author presented his story in an amusing fashion, the trends he covered are very definitely there. I have watched it over the course of the my parenting adventure and I see other negative aspects of it that were not identified in the article.

The lack of 'down' time and the subsequent stress is one thing. Children, however, are remarkably adaptable little critters and most will cope with that. What worries me more are some other ramifications.

First:

Children who are ferried from one supervised activity to another are also learning how to do what they are told, when they are told to do it. Now there are times, as a parent, when I would really value this. :P But, by and large, I want to raise rugged individualists. I want my children to question authority, think about what they are doing and THEN decide what to do. I don't want to raise a child who will just go out and do the bidding of the next authority figure who shows up. If children are freed to do self-directed activities, then they learn to make their own decisions about what they like and when they like it.

I have been practising this in a schizophrenic way for over ten years now. My children get a modicum of scheduled activities during the school year - basic swimming lessons once a week and another activity of their choosing one or two other days of the week. During the summer, I move to the cottage and enrol them in nothing. They get to choose what they want to do - indeed, they are forced to do so. After about a week the refrain of "Mom - I'm bored. What can I do?" changes to "Aww....do I have to come home now?" It takes a few firm repeats of "You are a bright kid and I know you can figure out something interesting to do", but they do get there. I call this the policy of Benign Neglect. I have a general idea of where they are and what they are up to, but I don't impose any restrictions beyond basic safety.

Second:

There is another concern I have about children who have a surfeit of organized activities. They do not learn basic socialization skills. Again, if someone is telling you what to do and when to do it, you will not learn how to discuss, negotiate or compromise. You will either strive to be the authority figure yourself or acquiesce, and there won't be a lot of learning about those other important life skills.

I have seen any number of little princes and princesses come by my home and in the school yards who have serious trouble in the 'getting along with others' category. This has fed my belief that self-directed play - just hanging with the local kids and doing things is an important arena to learn those skills. If you just play with friends on the 'by appointment' basis, then you don't learn to get along with kids who you did not choose as a playmate.

Again, I have seen this in action at the cottage. The choice of playmates is limited to 'Who is up this weekend?'. The gang of kids run as a pack and they have to learn to get along. They have to do everything from negotiate how long they will play 'house' in the tangle of cattails growing on the other side of the point versus how long they will hunt frogs to how long they will work on that tree-house. And they have to negotiate who is the leader for each activity. They have to learn to compromise and do something that is not at the top of their list to get company for their favourite activity.

These may not be earth-shattering problems, but they are trends that are indeed coupled with the 'over-programmed child' syndrome that was discussed in that newspaper article, and I believe they are going to make for future problems for both the children involved and for society as a whole.